SPRING CLEAN

I think this site is starting to look, or certainly feel, a bit cluttered so I think I'll have a go rejigging it soon, try to put all links to published books/stories somewhere else and all that jazz...time to see just what I can do with blogspot! OH YEAH!

Also hoping I can start getting some more acceptances (who doesn't?) since I've had fifteen in fifteen months, it'd be nice to try and get at least one a month. Don't know this is scientifically possible, but I guess throwing stuff at everyone listed on duotrope is the only way to find out haha I think I might also start linking to anthologies I read about that look interesting, since I don't do enough cross-promotion.

Hmm I think that's it really. Ta ta!

STRIIIIIIIIIIIKE.......THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

GODDAMN! Another book I'm in is now available!

My story in this one's called HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS and is a little bit experimental!

WAAA!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Through-Eyes-Undead-Zombie-Anthology/dp/1452855897/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275140915&sr=1-1-spell

https://www.createspace.com/3452511

ZOMBIIIIIIIIIE ZOOLOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGY

IS NOW ON AMAZON.CO.UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Zombie-Zoology-Tim-Curran/dp/0980606594/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275037921&sr=1-1

although, bizarrely, it may be cheaper to buy from the US site and get shipped over...?!?!?!

aarrghh I don't know how to spell bizarrely bizzarely bizarrly aargghhh

LETTERS FROM THE DEAD

A very brief update - it's now available via Amazon!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Letters-Dead-Mark-M-Johnson/dp/1451583079/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274588317&sr=1-1

I MAKE YOU ASPLODE!

Watched FOUR LIONS last night, the latest film by CHRIS MORRIS, the brain-damaged genius behind JAM and BRASS EYE and a million other things. It's a comedy. About suicide bombers.

But! It's not half as offensive as you might think, and actually quite sad. The film follows Omar and some of his friends as they plan to blow themselves up, with Barry (a white wideboy who's converted to Islam) coming up with the bright idea of destroying a mosque (to make everyone "rise up"). Don't worry, they don't blow a mosque up, because Barry is an idiot. Omar isn't, and we see his family life, and genuine desire to 'do good' by sacrificing himself. He talks about 'nutter bombers' and draws a very clear line in the sand between those and 'honest' bombers. It's a complicated, intriguing look (not quite an 'insight') into scared and confused religious types and what motivates them.

There's also no gore, even though people do get blown up, which is a peculiar but refreshing visual idea. It lowers the tone of the violence, if you like, to cartoon levels.

Also, the comedy element is never at the expense of religion, but at the bumbling efforts of the main characters to do things according to their beliefs. A couple of the main characters are similiar lovable dummies, with Barry being a bit too intense to be realistic (though his religious fervour is palatable) but otherwise the film operates in our reality. There are also some sly digs at how the police can overreact and target the wrong people, including a wookie death (yes!) and case of 'mistaken identity' (sort of).

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Being working on BRICKSVILLE, my zombie novel, and have recently passed the 41, 000 word mark, and the first "zombies" have just appeared. The real zombies will pop up a bit later on, however. I'm quite excited now because I keep grinding to a halt writing it, though I know where the story's going, but at the moment I'm steaming ahead. Woop!

Without giving too much away, the story involves a 'storm' coming to a small Arkansas town and bringing? causing? zombies and mutants to appear! A piece of flash fiction, that's been accepted but not published yet, features a central scene from the story, whilst a short story (that is being prepped for publication) follows a character mentioned in the book, as he deals with 'the storm' in another country. Ooo is that a spoiler? Hardly.

A DISTINCT LACK OF EXPLODING SOCKS

Recently purchased the latest albums by THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN and KARMA TO BURN, two bands I luuurrvveeee.

Unfortunately, neither album caused my socks to explode off as a result of hearing awesome music.

OPTION PARALYSIS, the Dillinger one, is remarkably normal, with pratically none of the sheer madness inherent on their previous album IRE WORKS. That was a 10/10 album if ever there was one, whereas Paralysis is too disappointing to be anything above an eight, maybe, and that's quite charitable. If anything it veers back towards MISS MACHINE, arguably their weakest album, partly (in my opinion) because it was quite 'soft' and heralded a new vocalist, Greg Poaauchtiosihuio.

Yet, one of my favourite songs, not just on this album but out of all the Dillinger canon, is one of the softest - Unretrofied. I also managed to catch Dillinger on tour before MM came out, and was incredibly impressed with Greg's vocals, particularly when playing the songs the band wrote with Mike Patton (swoooon!). Unfortunately he then sounded too much like him on MM, and that put me off a bit (if I want to listen to Mike Patton I'll listen to, er, Mike Patton, not some chap who sounds remarkably like him).

But back to Paralysis...none of the songs really grab me, except maybe WIDOWER, with its refrain of 'You walked away' repeated over and over at the end. Actually, hardly any of the songs feel like they have proper endings, rather they fade out or just kinda...stop. I do need to give it a few more listens but it's JUST NOT WEIRD ENOUGH. Too metal, not enough jazz. Plus I think Greg's vocals are a bit all-over-the-shop, and not in a good way.

And there's nothing that compares to the incredible MILK LIZARD from Ire Works...

APPALACHIAN INCANTATION is Karma To Burn's fourth album, and also a comeback of sorts. I have to admit I'm one of their annoying fans who still hopes they get a vocalist again, preferably the chap from their eponymous debt album (which is STILL one my favourite and reguarly listened to albums of all time, even about 15 years after its release), and maybe in answer to this (not me, although it's nice to pretend) they've got a song with vocals on this album. Plus there's a bonus ep featuring vox from JOHN GARCIA from KYUSS.

Unfortunately, Karma To Burn have steadily been losing their 'whiskey and cigarettes' style of stoner rock for a more conventional sludgey sound. Which is still fine by me, because they know how to write monster grooves, it's just a shame they've also steadily been dropping the experimental/effects-laden sound they first came to attention with.

So what about the 'vocal' songs? A bit rubbish, really. Both sound like someone singing over the top of (or rather underneath) an instrumental track, instead of an actual 'song'. Plus the 'bonus ep' is a waste of time, largely because it features YET MORE RE-RECORDINGS. I swear KTB have re-recorded every single song at least twice, with some getting the treatment three times. Crazy!

I have heard it on good authority though that the new album by THE OCEAN, called HELIOCENTRIC, has a high chance to explode my socks off, so I may check it out soon!

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AND don't forget I have THESE TWO BOOKS available to purchase with my stuff in. TWO.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0980606594?tag=severed-20&linkCode=sb1&camp=212353&creative=380553

http://productsearch.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=zombie+zoology



and

https://www.createspace.com/3443967

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHY I CAME IN HERE AGAIN

I always do that; come online then completely forget why.

I bought Dante's Divine Comedy today in a gorgeous hardback book with wonderful etching/illustrations, because I thought "Well it's very nice to look out, and I suppose it wouldn't hurt to cram some literary culture into my brain". To balance out this particularly lucid thought I also bought The Mammoth Book of The Mafia, which claims to be first-hand accounts from former Mafia informers. I always thought that's one thing that never existed, because, you know, they'd get killed as soon as they're found out. But evidently not.

Also started looking into 'bizarro fiction' a bit more today, and it turns out I've written a few fair things that could be classed as this - the only trouble is they're rather short. Hmmm.

Today feels a bit wasted because I woke up, couldn't get on with any writing due to having to go to an interview, got home and had a late lunch then started working on about fifty stories in a row, and found myself unable to concentrate on any of them for long. ALSO trying to wade through more Doomology subs - some are ace, some are absolute bloody piss-takers written by people who clearly didn't even bother giving the guidelines a cursory glance. And yes I know I may have just spelt 'cursory' wrong.

THE MOTHER OF ALL RIP-OFFS

Okay, so maybe the producers of SMALLVILLE didn't have as much of a budget as they would have liked for the season 8 finale, in which Clark Kent finally has to battle Doomsday, but to spend half the season leading up to this mammoth event, only to, er, not actually show anything, is seriously, seriously taking the piss.

Doomsday is literally unstoppable, is he? Well showing him on one street in Metropolis, throwing one car, throttling a child, then punching Clark through about five buildings, only for Clark to grab him and 'jump' to a power station and into a geothermal explosion (or something) hardly classes as "the most powerful adversary" Clark Kent has ever faced. I'm pretty sure there were piss-weak 'meteor-freaks' from season one who had more screentime/put up more of a fight than Doomsday did. Utterly, utterly disappointing.

Oh alright, the 'five buildings' bit was cool, but really, the whole thing was a sick joke. Clark's gonna bury Doomsday alive, deep underground, is he? Oh no wait the explosion killed Doomsday. Or did it? It's frustratingly unclear. Plus, it'd already been established that every time Doomsday 'dies' he comes back much much stronger, AND Clark was told he simply would not be able to stop him or kill him because now he couldn't be killed. WHAT????!!!!!!

So instead of a five minute bout of fisticuffs we get Jimmy Olsen getting killed. Poor bloke. At least his death got more airtime then Doomsday. I wasn't expecting the level of carnage from the comic arc that introduced him but you know, for a hard-as-fkkk killing machine you do kind of expect your money's worth.

Oh and now Zod's back. Okay Smallville, reuse old ideas why don'tcha?

Hurumph. Maybe this means they'll bring Doomsday back and use him properly.

And pigs might fly HAHAHAHA! It's enough to make me want to become a forum troll and incite hatred towards my fellow man.

BUY *THIS* BOOK! I'M IN IT!

TWO IN ONE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can get it from here: https://www.createspace.com/3443967 and it'll be on Amazon sooooon!

WHAT IS IT ABOUT??? I'll let the official blurb do all the pimpin' -->

Defying all logic and reason, the dead returned from death. All over the world, dead human bodies rose and walked the Earth in search of living human flesh to consume. Despite the valiant efforts of the living's vast armies and superior weapons, the dead won the Zombie War.

Defeated, the surviving governments of the world fled to the safety of their underground bases, leaving the last living survivors to their fate. All alone, trapped, for them there was no last second rescue, no escape. The Dead surrounded them, pounding on their barricaded doors, smashing in their boarded windows. It was their last chance to say goodbye, their last chance to shout out in defiance. It was time to write their final words.

For decades, the dead ruled the Earth unchallenged, but their reign was finite. In time, they returned to the dust from which they came. When the living survivors emerged from their underground shelters, they would discover hundreds of thousands of tattered decaying messages, the letters left behind by the last to perish in the Zombie Apocalypse.

These are those "Letters From The Dead".

ZOMBIE ZOOLOGY NOW AVAILABLE!!!

It features my 'living dead insects' piece ONE MAN AND HIS DOG, along with stories by TIM CURRAN, ANTHONY GIANGREGORIO and RYAN C. THOMAS!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0980606594?tag=severed-20&linkCode=sb1&camp=212353&creative=380553

http://productsearch.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=zombie+zoology

It'll be up on Amazon.co.uk very very very soon!!!

SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKY!!!

20th Century Baseball Stories more like, fnar fnar!

Christ Almighty, Joe Hill doesn't half love baseball, the amount of references there are to it in this, his debut collection. But never mind that now: Joe Hill is, according to one of the blabs on the back, a new master of suspense. I know for a fact that often, people provide marketing guff like that without having read the book itself. I don't think that person read this book. There is practically no suspense in this entire collection of short stories, because Joe Hill telegraphs his endings from twenty miles away. Not every story, and it's not always a bad thing anyway - sometimes the fun is waiting to see just how the current events are going to lead to the conclusion.

Joe Hill is Stephen King's son. There, I said it. He doesn't inherit his dad's "literary elephantitus" but he does like to write "this happened to me when I was kid" style stories. Nothing wrong with that, but it gets a bit...wearing. Not to mention repetitive.

I enjoyed 20th Century Ghosts but found the whole book a tad disappointing. Although overhyped would probably be a better word. Let's face it, with Stephen King as your dad how can you NOT be expecetd to be incredible? Most of the stories in this book are okay, nothing mind-blowing but they also don't make you want x number of minutes back in your life.

Thankfully, there are a few AWESOME stories, with a capital AWESOME. 'You Will Hear The Locust Sing' treads familiar ground (kid wakes up, is an insect) but puts a fun 50's b-movie spin on proceedings. 'Voluntary Commital' is one of the aforementioned 'telegraphed ending' pieces, but is still deeply satisfying. But the highlight is without doubt the simply incredible 'The Cape'. A young man returns home after a failed relationship, failed life and all the rest of it, and finds a 'cape' that might actually grant superpowers...It was also probably the only story where the ending *should* have been obvious but wasn't, and was extremely, extremely cool.

RATING: 72 cans of sweetcorn out of 91.

YEAH, YOU'D LIKE THAT WOULDN'T YOU?

Whoops been a bit lax lately, but for good reason!

I'm now helping my chum Bill Tucker edit DOOMOLOGY for Library of Science Fiction and Fantasy - I've got loads and loads of stories to read through to find the best examples of apocalyptic fiction for the finished book. And I heart apocalyptic fiction so it's not like hard work at all!

Also still taking submissions for NO MORE HEROES!!!! http://nomoreheroesanthology.blogspot.com/

Currently working on a few stories to sub, primarily for Dead Bait 2 by Severed Press, and Clockwork Chaos by Library of Science Fiction and Fantasy.

Dead Bait 1 received a lot of good reviews and had some ace writers in it, so I'm hoping my story is decent enough for the second one - it's influenced by Lovecraft's Colour out of Space, in that it deals with a family on a farm who start to sucumb to something 'alien', which in turn may or may not be unstoppable in its spread...ooooo! The Clockwork Chaos story is my first proper stab at 'steam-punk', and follows a group of "criminals" as they uncover a diabolical plot that stretches all the way to...the monarchy! It also features steam-punk versions of things I haven't really seen in setam-punk stories so I hope that helps it stand out.

I also recently watched SEX DRIVE, a surprisingly amusing teen sex comedy. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm starting to really enjoy these sort of films. However, I did also rewatch Robocop and the simply incredible b-movie INFESTATION. I don't think I've reviewed this, so I'll do so soooooooooooon!

And to finish: here's the artwork to two books I'm in that will be available to buy sooooooooooooooon!



TA TA!