IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN

Time to cross fingers and wait as patiently as possible...sent two subs off, one for Severed Press' DEAD BAIT 2 and one for Permuted Press' TIMES OF TROUBLE anthology. It'd be nice to get in either of these, particularly DB2 because Ramsey Campbell, Steve Alten and Guy N Smith are also appearing in it!!! The main thing that makes me nervous when sending stories in is less whether or not an editor thinks it's good enough (no point worrying about that) but whether my story will fit what they want...

I tend to have a habit of writing things on the periphery of guidelines. I can't help it. My sub for DB2, 'Dredge', is pretty domestic - a man and woman are having marital problems, and then on top of this the man starts breeding fish inside him, which he then puts inside his wife...and basically, a shitload of people start mutating, but it's not all down to this one man. I think it's pretty cool and different (but then I would say that :D ) but whether it's exotic or deviant enough for Severed Press I'll have to wait and see.

The Times of Trouble sub is called 'The Future Is What We Say It Is', and might be too pulpy/humourous for the editor's tastes, but it does have an extremely bleak ending...a young man in 1954 takes part in a time travel experiment and finds himself involved in a plot to, basically, control the world. He then takes an extremely drastic step to prevent this future from happening.

One thing I noticed is that the editor of Times of trouble kept popping on to the Permuted forum to talk about what he likes to see from submissions, which is something I did with No More Heroes. I like to see that, to see an editor expressly stating what they do or do not want. I might have to start doing it with A Glitch in the Continuum if it looks like I'm getting loads of the same sort of stories...but I haven't read any yet so we'll have to wait and see.

I'm also trying to finish a 4000 words bizarro story by tonight, having not planned it out at all. Having said that, though, I do know there's going to be a 'twist' at the end which sheds light on why a particular thing is happening throughout the story (and that particular thing seems to be the danger, but IT ISN'T!!!).

Oooo how mysterious!

IT'S A REAL SEA POOPER

Just watched The Fog remake, and I'm not quite sure why.

Tom Welling almost acts in it, although there was about five minutes of the movie where I thought he was supposed to be a bit of a dickhead, then realised it was down to a dodgy script.

His girlfriend in it, played by someone with a very flat face, gets to wear a really stupid hat. I couldn't really concentrate on what was happening whenever she was on-screen because I just kept thinking "Why would anyone ever want to wear a hat that stupid?".

The black guy is extremely tedious comic relief, and gets forgotten for 90% of the running time, and when he came back in to proceedings...huh...I've already completely forgotten what happens to him.

The local priest is a drunk, who contributes precisely zero to the plot and story, apart from a supernatural level of reticence about what's happening.

The leper ghost zombies from the first film are still leper ghost zombies but they can't seem to make up their mind how they like to kill people. Set them on fire? Give them instantaneous and fast-acting leprosy? Pull/throw them through windows?

I think in the original they come back for revenge on the town after a certain amount of time (but I might be wrong about this). In this version, some of their belongings get washed up on the shore and, apparently, when the flat-faced girl touches one of these, that's what summons the leper ghost zombies. That's certainly the impression I got anyway.

Selma Blair is NOT Adrienne Barbeau.

Her on-screen son is a very ugly child and could have been removed from the film with no real difference to events, apart from making the film as a whole less ugly.

There is a nice bit at the end that was a bit out of leftfield, even though it involved a stupid 'historical identity' idea that sucks balls in every single film it's used in. "Oh my, the ghosts/monsters have chosen you based on your uncanny resemblance to my dead wife" etc.

The film completely and utterly lacks any form of tension or suspense. Fog that moves against the wind and swallows up all in its path should be shit scary, or at least creepy, but in this it's typically greeted with the same horror as someone who's realised they left their pizza in the oven a little bit too long.

Quite why the fog doesn't do everything in one night is also unexplained. It turns up, pops a few lightbulbs, scares some kids on a boat and kills them, then decides its had enough for one evening and buggers off. Oh, and one of these corpses later comes back to life for no real reason other than to scare the flat-faced girl. Why don't the other corpses come back to life? I imagine the ghosts couldn't be bothered with the effort. Much like the makers of this film. ZING!

EASTER EGGS AND OTHER TREATS

I just thought of something that might be pretty cool. I could put 'deleted scenes' from my stories on here - from stories that have been or will be published, so they a) make sense and b) are relevant. As with films, most deleted scenes add colour more than anything else, but I think they can still be cool, especially if they involve DEATH.

Yes, DEATH. And to start to ball rolling, here's a section from a forthcoming story, which has two titles because I can't decide which one is better. Well, the second title is better but doesn't quite make sense. That remark itself will make sense if you read the story. It's called 'S' IS FOR 'STYMPHALIAN BIRDS' / THE SIXTH LABOUR OF JOHN HATHAWAY (it's going to be in The Monster Alphabet Book, which explains the first title. More details on this book laterz).

------------------

The Toyota's left-side wheels whirred with a desperate whine, spraying mud across the car. Stupid bloody weather, Susan cursed under her breath. The council knew the main road suffered flooding during heavy rain but did they do anything to resolve the issue? No. Too busy spending funds on renewing road markings and installing useless bloody road signs, like the new one she'd passed warning about ducks. Everyone knew there was a lake nearby so obviously there's bound to be ducks crossing the road from time to time.

“Stupid bloody idiots,” she muttered, revving the engine again. It was no use. She'd have to get out and push the car free of the mud. Either that, or call the Hathaways and let them know she couldn't make it, or even worse, would be late.

“Never in a million years!” she declared, unbuckling her seatbelt and stepping from the vehicle. Under the cover of the trees the rain wasn't too bad, but it was evidently still heavy enough to fill the cracks and potholes in the tarmac, forming tiny rivers and lakes. She quickly checked the ground under the side wheels. It was like a bloody marsh. “Incredible...” she shook her head and returned to the driver's side. She kept one hand on the steering wheel whilst leaning against the inside of the open door. Susan Parker was a formidable woman in more ways than one, and she began to grunt with exertion as she put her weight into pushing the car. The Toyota rocked and groaned, the wheels fighting the suction of the mud with loud slurping sounds.

Susan stopped for a moment to wipe rain from her face and listen: a high-pitched keening was coming from behind her. Another car? Her husband? She turned with a hopeful look on her face, expecting to see salvation come driving past but instead witnessed a peculiar black mass streaming through the air at head height. Ducks? Black swans? She realised, too late, that the birds weren't going to change course and she turned, intending to jump back into the car, but the storm of feathers and beaks collided with her, momentarily knocking her off the ground and away from the open driver door. Her screams were drowned out by a harsh whispering shish, shish as a pain like a thousand knives tore at her flesh and bones. Shish, shish! Shish, shish! Shish, shish!

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The repetitive shish, shish! bit is cheesy as anything but I like it haha

This got deleted from the story to knock the word count down.

NO MORE HEROES ANY MORE

The Table of Contents has just been revealed! Hurray!

http://nomoreheroesanthology.blogspot.com/2010/06/table-of-contents.html

I'm super excited about working on this. It is going to ROCK.

ATTACK OF THE 70FT BITCH OWNS YOU

Yes they do!

http://www.last.fm/music/Attack+of+the+70ft+Bitch

Moving house this morning, so might be offline for a bit. Or not. Who knows?

SHAZAM!

NAZI DISCO PARTY LIVES AGAIN

This is something I was involved with ages ago. They got banned from Myspace TWICE, despite being more offensive to Nazis then Jews. Maybe they're the ones who complained? I got messages from some at the time.

http://www.last.fm/music/Nazi+Disco+Party

Someone else actually started the page which strongly suggests to me old fans are knocking about somewhere.

GET IN!

I IS IN SUM BOOKS! UN MADEING SUM TO!

Got my contributor copies of ZOMBIE ZOOLOGY and LETTERS FROM THE DEAD this week! Looking forward to reading them over the weekend, once I've finished reading submissions for No More Heroes (and moving house).

Becoming an actual editor has really opened my eyes, least of all to how the process works. In the instance of No More Heroes, Bill and I came up with the core idea together and went from there, with Bill handling all the communication with Dr Pus (who runs the Library of the Living Dead and associated imprints). Last week, I got the idea for A Glitch in the Continuum and contacted Doc myself, and he said "alter the deadline and make this the word limit", but otherwise to "go for it!".

We've got set word limits for the finished books to work to, as well, which is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it makes the submission process easier but on the other, you can end up with some ace stories that just won't fit, and there are stories you prefer slightly more that do make it in.

I'm really looking forward to compiling the various anthologies I'm involved in, and I think it's going to be yet another thing that makes me a better writer. Learn from others' mistakes, as it were.

On that note, it's surprising just how many subs I've read that are littered with typos. I know it's easy to miss repetitive words, or even missing words because your brain corrects it automatically, but I'd urge anyone submitting any where to take as long as possible before doing so, even if you leave the story for a week then come back to it with fresh eyes. I've lost count of the amount of times I've sent something off, then thought "Oh shit, I should have done this, or added this, or etc". Even my Zombie Zoology story, I will admit, has three instances that relate back to something that isn't actually true. Thankfully they don't break the story, and likely won't even be picked up on by others, but I know they're there, and it winds me up because I missed them. There's also a really stupid typo (they'd instead of there'd, I think it is), but thankfully again, there's only the one in the whole story.

Hmmm. Thought of a new 'tag' - musings. I'll start tagging any blog posts with sort-of advice in with it. Yes, that'll do.

NOW WITH 95% MORE NEON!

There, I've done it. Cleaned this site up a bit so it doesn't look like a dictionary exploded on it. You'll now find all my available stories and books neatly tucked away within the blog itself, and the details can be accessed by clicking the handy dandy link just over there --->

I've also put info about anthologies I'm editing over there too --->

And the link list is really bloody long but I didn't want to bury that in the blog. I don't know why; I just didn't. You can have a goosey gander at associated sites by checking them out over there -->

What the hell, everything's over there now -------------->

Except links to older blog posts, and the dreaded blog 'tags', which are stuffed into awkward gaps at the bottom of the page.

Have fun exploring kiddies! If you get lost, just remember the fastest way to get help is to scream hysterically for your parents.

GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR LIFE WORTH LIVING

nb. ignore the date mentioned atop this post - I wanted to put all this info within my blog instead of plastered down the side like I used to do, so it neatens the place up a bit. My mum would be so proud to hear me say that.

In any case, the stuff listed below is all super duper up to date, as of Thursday 15th December 2011.

BOOKS!

All the books I'm in are available via my Amazon Author Page!

-> http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B003OBUP66 <-

DEAD ON EARTH (it's a Kindle graphic novel) is currently available on Amazon HERE [for further info on this particular thing check out THIS].

I also have/had some artwork in THE BANKSY Q book which was available but like so much street art, doesn't exist any more.

I am also linked with COLLABTHOLOGY which is available HERE.

REVIEWS!
Here's a REVIEW of ZOMBIE ZOOLOGY done by FANGORIA: Oh my god shit yes!

And one of Zombie Zoology that mentions my story!!!

--> http://monsterlibrarian.com/zombies.htm#Zombie_Zoology

And here's one of ALIENOLOGY that mentions my story: http://sonar4landingdockreviews.blogspot.com/2011/07/alienology-tales-from-void-edited-by-t.html?zx=764c0f5562d6292c

Now go buy them, goddamnit!

STORIES!
(Most recently accepted listed first)

OF BURIED TRUTHS appears online in Eschatology Journal!

TENNYSON'S PENULTIMATE STAND is due to appear in a charity antho of zombie flash fiction!

HALF PRICE MEDS appeared in SNM! Get some bizarro fiction down your throat HERE!

"DOCTOR DOLITTLE HE AIN'T" will appear of Fearology 2, by Library of Horror! Well, it was going to, but that antho's recently been cancelled. Boooooo!

THIS CIRCUS; THESE ROOTS has found a home in Bloody Carnival, which is being published by Pill Hill Press. RIGHT NOW IN FACT!

OF DIRT AND DUST appears in Back to the Middle of Nowhere, by Pill Hill Press! AVAILABLE NOW!

ONE MAN AND HIS DOG appears in Severed Press' Zombie Zoology anthology! AVAILABLE NOW!

SISTERS OF BACON appears in the almighty BACONOLOGY antho! BUY IT NOW!

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS appears in Through The Eyes of the Undead, published by Library of the Living Dead! AVAILABLE NOW!

REVEREND AUSTIN'S OFFICIAL 'STAYING-ALIVE-DURING-A-ZOMBIE-APOCALYPSE' TIPS has found its home in The Moron's Guide To The Inevitable Zombocalypse!

MIDNIGHT IN A SMALL TOWN appears in Tales From The Void - get it NOW!

MIDAS, my zombied-up version of King Midas, has been selected to appear in Zombie Feary Tales, coming from the Library as well, publication date TBA. This, too, has recently been cancelled. Arrghh!

A piece I've written appears in Letters From The Dead, by Library of the Living Dead. AVAILABLE NOW!

EYGPT, PA appears in The Scroll of Anubis - AVAILABLE NOW!

BOB THE PIANO appears in The Cynic

WEATHER REPORT appears in This Zine Will Change Your Life

DONKEY PICNIC appears in issue 15 of Six Little Things

THIS HEAT CANNOT BE KILLED appears on Flashes In The Dark

JONNY CAVE SERIALIZATION!

It's the 1940's, and jazz-musician-turned-preacher JONATHAN CAVE has found himself in the creepy artistic community of NEW BEDLAM. Together with his flapper 'sidekick' Laura Paris, Jonny confronts all manner of hellish creatures and situations, which are yours to read in the New Bedlam zine, created by Jodi Lee!

THIS TOWN HIDES AN INFERNO appeared in Issue 3, and heralded the arrival of a mysterious stranger who brings his own heatwave of mutation and death.

DIONYSUS RISING was split in half and appeared in the October 2010 and January 2011 issues! Six months after the events in This Town... Jonny faces an old adversary who's come to New Bedlam intent on creating and spreading unbridled madness. Both parts have now been archived!

And some special, super-cool news: I was one of the lucky writers who was invited to submit to the first PRINT issue of New Bedlam. I'm still waiting to hear when this'll see publication, but it'll feature the next Jonny Cave story 'Underneath It All', in which the consequences of the events in Dionysus Rising have a far worse effect on New Bedlam than anyone in the town could ever realise...

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And I'm really hoping my novel, THIS VILLAGE NEVER DREAMS finds a home somewhere HINTHINTHINTHINT!!!!!!!

A GLITCH IN THE CONTINUUM

"Time is what prevents everything from happening at once" - John Archibald Wheeler

The Library of Science Fiction and Fantasy presents:

A GLITCH IN THE CONTINUUM

I'm looking for stories concerning time-travel and alternate realities/dimensions (stories can involve both or either of these things), in which something goes wrong, or an expected fault occurs, that plays an important part in the plot.

Usual genres accepted (horror, sci-fi, urban/dark fantasy, etc), cross-genre stuff particularly welcomed. I'm not after obvious stories, like having the Nazis win WWII, or JFK doesn't get shot, none of that sort of thing. I'm also not interested in what I would consider 'hard sci-fi', ie where the story gets bogged down in technical terms for complex scientific procedures.

Word limit: A very firm 5000 – 9000.
Deadline: 15th October 2010, so plenty of time to get your thinking caps on.
Payment: 1 cent per word + 1 contributor copy

No reprints.
No multiple submissions.
Simultaneous submissions are fine, but please let me know if your story gets accepted elsewhere.

Please follow standard manuscript format, as detailed HERE. I prefer submissions in Times New Roman 12 point, but I won't berate you if you send it in Courier.

Send as a .doc or .rtf attachment to glitchantho@gmail.com with 'STORY – Your Name' in the subject heading of the email.

Please also make sure to mention the story's word count, together with a brief outline of it, in the email. You can also include your bio and/or any publishing history, but don't go nuts and list every single thing you've ever done and don't worry if you're previously unpublished.

I'll send you a 'story received!' email, but if you don't get one within 4 days please query.

Any submissions that don't follow these guidelines will be used as rubbish to fuel my flux capacitor, and I will travel back in time and slap your mother for giving birth to such a dunderheaded child.

I think that's everything. Any questions etc, ask away or PM me!

Wayne Goodchild

The Library of Science Fiction & Fantasy lives online here: http://libraryofthelivingdead.lefora.com/forum/category/library-of-science-fiction-fantasy/

WELL, WHAT'RE YOU WAITING FOR?

AMAZON to activate my Author Page, actually. Then I'll re-jig and super-duper this blog up so it's all mind-blowing and shit.

I'M IN FANGORIA!!!

Technically.

They've reviewed ZOMBIE ZOOLOGY, which, if you're some kind if idiot who doesn't know anything, has a story by me in it.

READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!

WELL WHADDAYA KNOW?

That'll teach me to open my big mouth like I did yesterday - the next Jonny Cave story's been accepted by NEW BEDLAM!!! It's being split in two and will appear in the October and January issues, hot damn! Sixteen acceptances in 16 months! Woop!