WHO?!?!?!

Welcome to Reverend Wayne Austin Goodchild's official blog. Not that there's an unofficial one...

Click WAYNE GOODCHILD IS HAUNTED to go to his Facebook page! There's good stuff on it! Honest!

...all work on here is copyright wayne goodchild, unless otherwise stated, you cheeky monkeys...

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

SEXY DEATH

The building was old, narrow, tall. Maybe four floors, but the gap between them wasn't consistent so it was difficult to tell. A narrow pathway ran down the side of the building, with overgrown trees and bushes on the left of it. The building only had windows looking out over the pathway, and not all of them had glass in. Every level was one long narrow room, filled with miscellaneous junk and dust. Bare floorboards. Bare walls.

A small, old doll lay just inside the entrance, covered in a dry brown, brittle-looking growth, like dead sponge. Although I'm sure it was dead I didn't want to touch it, because I strongly suspected it might turn out to be a dormant fungus. There was someone else in the building with me; a woman, I think. A friend whose name I'd forgot. The second/middle floor had an old tv and Megadrive games system in it. We fought over the controls.

I couldn't access the top floor from inside, so I clambered up the side of the building. Most of the top windows were filled with birds, sleeping in nests. They were all regimented and ordered, something that shouldn't have been possible naturally, which asked two questions. The first: if it was natural, what did this say about the intelligence of the birds responsible? Secondly: who would come to an otherwise abandoned building purely to neatly organise bird nests, on a floor you couldn't reach from inside the building?

Most of the birds appeared to be pigeons. I looked in one uncovered nest to see a batch of eggs. One had turned black. In a nearby nest a pigeon woke up and stared at me. It had a black-feathered face. The other birds looked like they might be blackbirds, though they were all asleep - unless they didn't have heads at all. Their feathers shone with the sort of rainbow that plays across the surface of oil.

Something else about the house - it made want to tear the woman apart and make love to the remains.

The most surprising thing is, I wasn't even dreaming.

Friday, 22 October 2010

THE EXPLOITS OF MY EXCITING MEETING WITH WRITER MICHAEL MARSHALL SMITH IN A MOST UNEXPECTED MANNER THAT WAS UNEXPECTED!

So there I was shopping for books in a large bookstore, for it was my day off and I decided that I wanted to visit somewhere that sold books and a large bookstore seemed like a sensible place to go. I was busy perusing the horror fiction section (which was sandwiched between the erotic and vampire sections in a manner I found both obscene and thrilling) when I accidentally bumped into a well-dressed chap beside me.

"Oh, pardon me!" I said. "Sorry!"

"That's quite all right," the man said, stooping to pick up the book he had formerly held in his hand but had recently dropped to the floor from his hand, when I accidentally bumped into him whilst perusing the adjacent books. I immediately recognised him as being Michael Marshall Smith, author of such notable cross-genre books as Only Forward and Spares. I recognised him because he'd dropped one of these books, I forget which one, and it had fallen open on his mugshot.

"You're Michael Marshall Smith!" I exclaimed, in the hope that I had just cured some form of amnesia he may or may not have been suffering from. "I find your work to be imaginative and excellent, but not necessarily in that order. It's a real pleasure to meet you. But I have to ask: Why are you buying your own book?"

As he shook my hand he narrowed his handsome eyes and said, "I'm trying to convince this bookstore I'm more popular than that woman who writes the Twilight books. Maybe then they'll put in an 'alternate reality/sci-fi/fantasy/pulp/humour' section."

"One can only I hope, " said, nodding sagely.

"Wait a minute, " he said then. "You look awfully familiar. Are you Wayne Goodchild, otherwise known as Reverend Austin?"

Delighted, I couldn't help but beam like a hyperactive lighthouse, or a happy child full of radioactive fuel. "Yes, that's me all right!"

Once again shaking my hand he said, "I've heard you're a pretty funny guy."

"No," I said, "I'm not."

He went home disappointed.

THE END.

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

HOW FAR CAN TOO FAR GO?

Submissions are now open for THROUGH THE WORMHOLE: BILL AND WAYNE'S FAR OUT SPACE TALES, to be published by the Library of Science Fiction...

Editors : Myself & Bill Tucker

We want your most gnarly, whacked-out and downright mondo science fiction stories. We want you to really cut loose and give us scenarios we've never seen before.

We don't want to see any obvious staples like 'people answer a distress call to find a spaceship drifting empty through space...or is it?!' or 'a new friendly alien race turn out to be evil' or anything like that. Be fresh, be creative, be utterly mental.

We're also not after bizarro - but you are encouraged to take your story as far as it can go before it actually becomes that genre (i.e. surreal, but still grounded in reality).

Other than that, the usual genres are welcome, and stories can be set anywhere or anywhen, provided it's fundamentally science fiction.

Word limit: a very firm 4K - 7K words

Payment: 1 cent p/word + 1 contributor copy

NO reprints
NO multiple submissions

Simultaneous submissions are okay, but please do us the courtesy of letting us know if your story gets accepted elsewhere.

Format:

Put name/by-line, approx word count, postal address and email address at the top of the first page.

NO headers on any other pages, please.

Indent by 1 press of the TAB key to start a new paragraph.

NO fancy formatting. Sometimes people have their writing software set up so it adds extra space between lines and/or paragraphs. Please remove anything like this, as it's really annoying. Thank you!

Other than this, usual Shunn manuscript rules apply.

Send submissions to wormholeantho[at]gmail[dot]com


Deadline is March 1st 2011 so plenty of time to work on something!


Further details and discussion can be found on the Library forum! http://libraryofthelivingdead.lefora.com/2010/10/20/through-the-worm-hole-submissions-open