I've had an interest in psychology and philosophy for quite some time, and have discovered a lot of fascinating things through story research. One thing that's always interested me in particular, is how we all play roles in life; specifically, what happens when we become aware of the role we play, and seek to change it?
For instance, say your role is to play the calming influence. Maybe you diffuse a situation through levity, or reason. What if this person is paired with an emotionally distant person? The 'Calmer' would likely choose to pour/make up the lacking emotional energy into any communication with the 'Distant', to fill that gap. Typically, you'd assume that after a certain level of unreciprocated energy, the Calmer would give up, and move on.
But what if they know, from past experience, say, that the Distant has that emotional energy to give, but for whatever reason chooses not to? What if the Calmer starts to need emotional support from the Distant? So, their roles aren't reversed, but the Calmer is in transition. What if the Calmer becomes aware of their role, seeks to change it, but finds it extremely difficult to stop, well, calming?
What happens when we become aware of the role we play, and seek to change it...but can't?
At what point would the Calmer snap?
It isn't, but the title might hook you in enough to see what on earth I could possibly mention alongside those wonderful things. HINT: death.
*hugs*
My American chum Christina is brilliant and writes about brilliant things, such as the science behind love, which is something we've chatted about. Basically, your body produces oxytocin to make you feel nice. This could be thanks to a kiss, a cuddle, a kind word...etc. But do you need to be in love with someone to feel it? I don't think so. Although a boy/girlfriend may produce such feelings on a more consistent basis, you're quite likely to feel lovely if you're around your BFF or maybe even simply thinking about someone you like. Or, quite possibly (and here's the crux of the matter) by doing something you like. Sex is the obvious 'thing', but if you get your mind out of my pants for a moment I'd like to proposition your brain with this startling revelation: I'm talking about true, unadulterated passion here. Pure enjoyment. Think about what it is YOU enjoy most, that doesn't involve physical contact with another human. Gardening? Walks in the country? There's no right or wrong answer. Mine, to no one's surprise, is WRITING. Writing stories, writing music...as long as I'm creating, I'm happy as a pig in poop.
Now, here's the thing. I'm sure pretty much everyone on the face of the planet is enamored with the idea of success. I like people saying nice things about my stories, and at the moment I'm pushing my music, and getting some nice things said about this, too. Praise is ace. Praise might as well be the street name for oxytocin. But I've been giving a lot of thought to what I love, lately. A LOT of thought, and the upshot is that I can do what I love, what gives me pleasure and the warm fuzzies, anywhere. Literally anywhere. I could write on the moon if I had a spacesuit. And a rocket. Or very tightly-coiled trampoline to bounce on. This has proven to be an extremely liberating thought.
I was in a serious relationship a few years ago, back when I was, frankly, directionless. I had my love of music, was in a few bands, had started writing stories, but had a severe lack of focus. I was with an attractive lass, so was getting my fix of oxytocin, but there was something missing. I'm still reluctant to qualify it as 'happiness' as a) I'm always happy - there's no point wasting energy being grumpy, and b) I'm sure I was happy, since I was doing the things I loved. But there was no success. I wasn't successful at anything I was doing. The bands were enjoyable but we were hardly selling out gigs. I'd lost my job and was being forced (sorry, but I was) into taking some godawful office job (I cannot think of anything more soul-destroying for a creative than to be stuck behind a desk). Turns out I wasn't actually that good at being a boyfriend, either (I didn't do anything shady, just took certain things for granted, I think). Anyway, it all fell apart and I came back home (as mentioned in my previous post).
This is the scene that greeted me upon my return to Scunthorpe.
I'd said, many many many times, to my girlfriend that coming back to Scunthorpe would be a "career kiss of death" as there's nothing here for someone like me. I was, of course, hilariously wrong. I now work in an art gallery, and on a daily basis engage with kids to make things. It is excellent. I also run an arts event/workshop business with my BFF. Which brings me back to the start, and the idea that you don't necessarily have to be sleeping with a person to get that sweet, sweet taste of oxytocin. We've (my bestie and I) often talked about how it's deeply ironic we both came back to Scunthorpe under similar circumstances, and with the firm belief that there's nothing here for us. She's like a little sister to me, and has been a defining presence in my recent past, basically as an extremely strong force of support, about a great many things. I could easily, and happily, write a million words about why she's ace, about why many of my friends are top people, but that's implied by the fact they're my friends, so I'll comfortably move on ;)
So I have now found success. Success is liberating. Success tells you that, now you've achieved something, you can achieve anything. If there's a will, there's a way. If you have a clear intention to accomplish something, then by god you'll do it. The biggest barrier to success is your own mind, if you'll forgive me for sounding like a life coach. My parents have taught me many things, but the best advice they've ever given me is "Give anything a go". Don't be scared of failure; embrace it and learn from it.
What's so liberating about realising, truly realising, that I can do what I love anywhere? The answer's in the question. I can go anywhere. I'm no longer tied to one location. If I can start my own business out of thin air then I can feasibly do the same thing again and again, anywhere there's a potential niche. Or find a niche and exploit it, like any good business haha I no longer feel the need to stay still. I'm partly inspired by my younger brother moving back to Australia and getting the life he's always deserved, partly by meeting awesome people like Christina who travel loads, or consciously make plans they fully intend to follow through on, partly by the cold hard fact that things have to change. I do not like change, and don't always handle it very well, but I accept it's a part of life. What we can do is shape that change to suit our needs, and in this respect I'd like to shape change to get more delicious oxytocin. I'm just not sure yet how...The future is yet unwritten. It is what we say it is. With any luck :)
And so you know I wasn't lying about this blog post also involving death:
Well well well. The arts education collective I'm a part of has its first two "Hello world, here we are!" events/workshops this weekend - full details HERE! If you happen to be in the area, pop by and say hello. I'm the one who isn't a woman.
Finally sent AOT5FB off to the publishers, so the only antho I'm working on now is THROUGH THE WORMHOLE (with Bill Tucker). It still needs formatting and artwork, but I'm confident this'll be sorted in the not-too-distant future.
I've just about finished my 7303 qualification, too - I've been doing this as an evening/night class since February, so it'll be nice to have it all sorted and get some more free time back. Once I've got it officially, I'll be able to teach in what they call the "post-16 sector" ie college and adult education.
So, after this weekend I'll finally finally finally have some time to get back on with my own writing, properly. I've mentioned before about feeling like I'm *almost* dragging my heels sometimes, but I do have quite a few stories waiting to be published, so it's not all bad. Not having the internet on my own PC is a massive ballache, though - I have to transfer files across to my housemate's laptop if I do any subbing/editing/etc and that takes up a small, but significant, amount of time every time I have to do it. Not to mention, it's her laptop so I can't hog it haha I was hoping to have the internet for myself by now, but a certain ISP *cough SKY cough* can't get their arses into gear and send me the equipment I need. But that's another story, and a somewhat boring one.
Boy oh boy that's a boring blog headline, but I figured I was about due for a Ronseal one, so there it is. Magnificent.
I thought I'd make a kind of 'update' post that features - are you ready for this? - all the cool stuff I've got going on right now. And there we have it. It's all been splurged over a few posts, some of which have now disappeared off this page, so here goes! In order of coolness (maybe) -->
Joint 1st place) My short story, PAPA CROW [in which a dead husband returns to his family in the body of a scarecrow], did rather well in the [viewable by members only] 6th Annual Cafe Doom comp, and I've now rejigged the beginning everso slightly (to remove the clunkiness that Jon pointed out) and I've also changed the end so, hopefully, it tugs on the ol' heartstrings a bit more than the misplaced 'haha I'll subvert your expectations of how this should end!' original ending. Started subbing it to pro markets [and I'm crossing every single crossable part of my body].
A sidenote/musing: I'm now aware of just what sort of impact having an army (even a small one) of slush readers/editors for a zine/site/what-have-you has on said zine/site/what-have-you, and the subs they get. ie enough of the people involved need to like your story for it to get anywhere - doesn't matter if it blows everything ever out the water for one person - if no one else likes it that much then it's...dun dun deerr...dead in the water. Two water comparisons in one sentence. A new record!
Just as the CD comp gave a lot of folks an insight into what it's like been an editor, the selection/final judging process gave a peek behind-the-scenes of the more professional markets (in this case SHOCK TOTEM). Since I started editing anthologies, I realised how easy it is for an editor to send form rejections out when they have to deal with a shedload of subs in a short space of time, so I don't feel annoyed when I get one myself now, and I'll also take some solace from the fact I may not get into a particular publication if they have a few slush readers, because it's entirely possible they liked it, just not enough of them. That's not to say I expect rejection, or even embrace it. You manaic! Why would I do that?
Oh, and it's also raised an interesting, and recurring point: I don't know whether I should mention to prospective publishers that it was in the CD comp and performed admirably. On the one hand, it's worth boasting about, but on the other hand (as with my novel submissions) even though I've had some really nice stuff said about it, ultimately it hasn't been picked up, so that's the thing other publishers will look at. Plus 'they don't want me to tell them what to think about it'. It's a conundrum, all right!
1b)Someone's reviewed M Is For Monster, the horror antho I'm in with a bunch of really cool, top writers, and had this to say about my story!!! -->
S is for Stymphalian Bird – Wayne Goodchild - 14 Pages John Hathaway is a collector of historical curiosities and supposed mythological artefacts. Because of his relative wealth, he has been able to put aside much of his life and money towards collecting these oddities. His latest acquisition is a curious metallic feather, viciously sharp to the touch and supposedly from the mystical Stymphhalin Bird. Shortly after John has returned to the home he shares with his wife, Miranda, a strange influx in horrific deaths begin to take place around the community. Deaths that are being linked to a mysterious flock of crane like birds, with beaks and feathers as sharp as knives...
With a premise hailing from the likes of the glorious creature feature pulp-horror novels of the 70’s and 80’s, this action packed soiree into the return of a mystical and terrifying bird is a non-stop rollercoaster ride of edge-of-the-seat excitement from start to end. The attacks are frenzied and thrilling; the interwoven characters and their response to the threat, bursting with tension. This truly is an unrelenting short tale quivering at the rafters with untameable horror thrills. Superb!
2) The Scroll of Anubis is now available via my Amazon Author Page. This was the second anthology I got accepted for, so I'm chuffed to bits it's finally here. My story in it is called EGYPT, PA and takes place in the titular town (which really exists!) as two kids on the verge of leaving their childhood behind uncover a terrifying conspiracy growing in the heart of the suburbs.
3) I've opened submissions to Attack of the 50ft Book. I'm after stories featuring giant monsters, of pretty much any description. Stories don't need to all involve destruction and carnage though. I'm particularly interested in stuff incorporating a pulp feel, as well as cross-genre stuff. Details can be found HERE!
I'm waist-deep in submissions for A GLITCH IN THE CONTINUUM and I'm quite enjoying it. 'Quite' because I don't like sending out rejections. But, it's a necessary evil. Plus, you can't make an omelette without breaking some heads.
I don't get too bothered by rejections myself nowadays, but I do get a bit cheesed by form rejections. Urgh they're the worst! And they plant the seed of doubt that your story wasn't read all the way through. I understand most places do it because it's one heck of a time-saving device but it's still annoying. I'm trying to offer constructive feedback where possible for Glitch, or at least say what I think does work about a particular story, so writers know I have actually read their story :D and I've read all of them so far, even if I skimmed some a bit (because they didn't grab me) but I say so, if that's the case, and why.
Listen to me; I'm a right hero! I even got paid in cake by a co-worker today because I moved a bunch of tables. If that sort of thing can spill over to my editing duties it'd be pretty nifty ;) but seriously...I've already had some very polite responses from rejected authors, but I don't expect it so it's a nice bonus. I'm still waiting for that one unprofessional writer to send me a vehement email though haha oh dear.
Anyways, I've got quite a few more stories left to read - I plan to send my next batch of rejections out tomorrow, if I have time, otherwise I'll have to do it on Saturday or Sunday night. Keep holding your breath, submitted authors! I'll get back to you as soon as I can!
Got my contributor copies of ZOMBIE ZOOLOGY and LETTERS FROM THE DEAD this week! Looking forward to reading them over the weekend, once I've finished reading submissions for No More Heroes (and moving house).
Becoming an actual editor has really opened my eyes, least of all to how the process works. In the instance of No More Heroes, Bill and I came up with the core idea together and went from there, with Bill handling all the communication with Dr Pus (who runs the Library of the Living Dead and associated imprints). Last week, I got the idea for A Glitch in the Continuum and contacted Doc myself, and he said "alter the deadline and make this the word limit", but otherwise to "go for it!".
We've got set word limits for the finished books to work to, as well, which is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it makes the submission process easier but on the other, you can end up with some ace stories that just won't fit, and there are stories you prefer slightly more that do make it in.
I'm really looking forward to compiling the various anthologies I'm involved in, and I think it's going to be yet another thing that makes me a better writer. Learn from others' mistakes, as it were.
On that note, it's surprising just how many subs I've read that are littered with typos. I know it's easy to miss repetitive words, or even missing words because your brain corrects it automatically, but I'd urge anyone submitting any where to take as long as possible before doing so, even if you leave the story for a week then come back to it with fresh eyes. I've lost count of the amount of times I've sent something off, then thought "Oh shit, I should have done this, or added this, or etc". Even my Zombie Zoology story, I will admit, has three instances that relate back to something that isn't actually true. Thankfully they don't break the story, and likely won't even be picked up on by others, but I know they're there, and it winds me up because I missed them. There's also a really stupid typo (they'd instead of there'd, I think it is), but thankfully again, there's only the one in the whole story.
Hmmm. Thought of a new 'tag' - musings. I'll start tagging any blog posts with sort-of advice in with it. Yes, that'll do.
