CARDBOARD DEAD BOY VERSUS SATAN: RELEASE

The prophecy has been fulfilled! CARDBOARD DEAD BOY VERSUS SATAN has been conjured forth by the use of eldritch rituals, ready to damage your ears and send your soul to a terrible abyss. 

All artwork by the incomparable Grebo Gray / Little Black Clouds 

WHAT A SUITABLE HALLOWEEN TREAT!

I GIVE IT A SOLID 'B' FOR EFFORT

Hello, you.

I could rattle on about how terribly dull it is being unemployed for the first time in almost six years, and how it should never be this difficult to land work in the arts/education sector when you've got as much experience as I, but those things are for diaries and livejournal. Which still exists! Welcome to the internet, where nothing ever dies.

Instead, I'm here to regale you with news of my moderately exciting return to creative endeavours. The stuff noted above is the main reason why I've lacked the...hmm, I was going to say 'motivation' but that's not entirely accurate. More like inspiration to do much of anything creative. But lately, I've found my muse, and it has enabled me to write music for the first time in MONTHS and take up a new hobby: making monsters! Ta da:

I'm a massive fan of monster toys, from Monster In My Pocket through to collecting weird bootleg/cheapo creatures from pound shops/dollar stores. These are/were supposed to be my version of such things, but I got a bit carried away and made them massive, especially the one at the back. In any case, the idea is that the smaller ones are failed experiments combining elements of shark, t-rex and yabby (a type of crayfish) and the 'tyrant' is the successful end product.  Ideally, if I can shrink them down quite a bit (in terms of making new, smaller sculpts) I'll then cast them in resin as actual purchasable collectibles! And/or plastic, since I have some liquid plastic to experiment with, too.

This is the 'first wave', with subsequent waves combining three different creatures in four different ways. I'm currently working on a backstory for them all, so there's a fun narrative tied-in with their appearance. I'd also quite like to have a go at sculpting/molding/casting actual action figures, but that's a project for the future. Something to aim for, in any case.

The designs of these, unsurprisingly, are also influenced by my love for monster movies/b-movies/creature features/etc. Who doesn't like a good mutant? Idiots, that's who! Mutants are ACE. More/close-up pics can be eyeballed via my FACEBOOK PAGE. On the subject of internet sites, my personal website's out-of-order at the moment and I can't be bothered to remove the link at the top of this site, so don't click on it. DON'T. It will only end in heartache.

To quote Clive Sinclair "Ooo, nice segway!" I'm currently working on some 'insidious electronic noir' with the theme of 'bleak love'. You can hear what I've done so far right below this sentence!

[soundcloud url="https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/215270008" params="auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true" width="100%" height="450" iframe="true" /]

Nope, that didn't work, did it. I'm using the name Iä! and am currently writing at least one new song a week! Have a listen HERE or HERE! 

STICK ME IN YOUR EARS

I'm a radio DJ now! Deets: https://www.facebook.com/chrisandwayne

8pm-10pm GMT, madda fakkas! We'll be posting our playlists soon after each show, too. With any luck we'll also be making every show available as a download. Our premier episode had jazz, dirty rock and electro-pop. 

I'm also working on a super secret arts-related project ssssshhhhhh!

WHERE'S WALLY?

So where is he?

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, WAYNE?" is possibly the question on someone's lips right now. I've been offline, that's where, person-who-I-may-or-may-not-know! But now I'm back. Online, that is!

So what's the crack, Jack? Well, I'm knee-deep in a funding bid for an arts festival (some of which you can find out about HERE) and editing (someone else's) novel! (Also more about this in the not-too-distant future). I'm also tweaking some music I wrote as part of February Album Writing Month (which you can hear HERE if you're intrigued in dirty beats mixed with vintage PSA samples) and settling into a new house.

A little while before I went offline, I decided that it'd be nuts if I didn't try to get back into editing stories, but on a more professional (freelance) level. Therefore, I'm now offering said services  I'll have full details via my website/here soon, but for now if you're interested, then by all means get in touch. I'm also trying to put together a proper 'resume' regarding this, but I'm not entirely sure how such things should be laid out, especially since three books I edited never saw print (due to financial reasons with the publisher, not cos I did a shoddy job).

In any case, I have a decent amount of experience in not just general proofreading but interior formatting (although I am more than aware that this latter point can vary wildly from publisher to publisher) and believe I can offer competitive rates. I think that'll do for now as a 'teaser' until I get something a little more solid spelled out.

I think that's about it for now. Keep safe, kids. I mean it.

THINGS ARE A LITTLE TOO QUIET AROUND HERE!

And this is why.

No music link this time, just the fevered chatter of an extremely busy lifestyle. Haha!

AND TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUEST STAR: MY HOUSEMATE! AND...ART!

A few weeks ago, I visited Hepworth Gallery and Yorkshire Sculpture Park with a couple of chums, one of whom is my housemate a pillock. She's made a blog post about it, complete with some snazzy pics of the cool things we looked at and TOUCHED. If you like art, you'll LOVE her post! Here I am starting the latest craze to hit the UK, 'looking through art':

In fact, I should start plugging other people's blogs a bit more regularly - community spirit and all that. Maybe I'll do something naff like have 'this month's top blog is...' Yeah, maybe I'll do that. So well done Local Pillock, you're OCTOBER'S TOP BLOG! Three cheers etc etc etc. She also takes pics of all the cool stuff we nick out the bin behind a charity shop.

In other news, my band HANDSOME BASTARDS destroyed everyone's ears in an old church on Friday night. We will now be playing in the GRAND FINAL of a battle of the bands. It's being held in a rebuilt version of Scunthorpe's Baths Hall - somewhere that, once upon a time, used to be a cool and fun place to go and have a laugh. How it'll feel and look now a massive corporation have got their mitts on it remains to be seen.

Oh yeah, and I also did some writing and that.

YES, I DO ART!

Last year I went to see the BANKSY exhibit/takeover at Bristol Museum, and it was largely really good. Had to wait in the queue for ages, but to keep everyone occupied some arty types handed out pens and cards and invited folks to draw whatever on them whilst they waited.

The results are now in a BOOK! I'm probably in it, since I handed my card in. Or maybe not, I don't know - but I assume I am since I received an email about it, and the only way I could have done that is if the people behind it had my card. So I probably am in it. That's good, isn't it? Yes. Yes, it is good.

You can find out more/order the book HERE. Go on, then!

I'M A BIT HIGH

from writing on a pumpkin with permanent marker. I've managed to cram a fairy tale (all 370 words of it!) on to a pumpkin, ready for exhibition on Saturday. If anyone happens to be in Scunthorpe on Saturday, come check it out! 10 -5pm, 20/21 Visual Arts Centre, Church Square (next to the Leisure Centre).

I'll post the story on here soon, complete with an alternate ending :D

I asked my boss if I could make a pumpkin helmet for kids to wear and, true enough, it'd be a Health and Safety nightmare :( kind of fitting considering the time of year, but oh well.

WORDY RAPPINGHOOD

Something else that's got me quite excited recently is the discovery of a dictionary I got in 1986, for my 7th birthday. I love archaic words, and it's interesting to see just how many words appear in this old dictionary (it's a 'pocket' oxford one, despite being the size of a brick) that no longer have a use in our lives. For instance, it has one of my favourite Lovecraft words ('Cyclopean') in it! Wonderful.

I also keep forgetting to plug CAFÉ DOOM. I've received some useful writing crit from the folks on there, and Ed (the big cheese) is currently running the Fifth Annual Writing Comp. So take a gander why don'tcha?

Remember I mentioned Lame Goat Press the other day? They're also running a comp at the mo to create the cover art for An Amorous Thing, by Kody Boye. I'm having a crack at it -not sure if my style would be suitable but if I don't try I'll never know. I'm also having a go at designing the art for another book cover, but I'm cheating a bit and reworking an exisiting piece of my own artwork for this ho ho nuts to it, I say!

And I don't know why the tag below for 'short story comp' has an asterik next to it. I WONDER WHAT IT MEANS!!!!!?????????

BANKSY

Yes. So. Banksy.

If you've not heard of him, he's a graffiti artist who's risen to the upper echelons of the current art world. And no-one knows what he looks like.

A short while ago, visitors to and staff of Bristol Museum turned up to find the place closed. Turned out Banksy was in there, putting work up. The current exhibit 'Banksy vs Museum' is the result.

One room is chock full of his own work, from massive paintings to smaller, cheeky pictures. Some are too obvious to be funny (a picture stencilled with 'This Is Not A Photo Opportunity' and a painting showing the House of Commons filled with chimps are two of the weaker pieces), but there are more than enough works of art to compensate. Highlights in the 'Banksy Room' include a picture stencilled with 'The secret to great art is in the composition' (where the last half of 'composition' is obscured by the frame) and a Victorian painting unchanged apart from a pair of googly eyes.

In the 'main hall' are a series of cages. Again, there're a few obvious jokes (fish fingers in a fish bowl, a rabbit putting on make-up) but these are also eclipsed by the truly original pieces. Perhaps the most disturbing of which is a large cage containing Tweety Pie, who sits there, slowly, wearily breathing, completely bald and looking more like a deformed old man than a cartoon star.

There are plenty more bits of Banksy scattered throughout the museum - and it is this that is arguably the main point of the exhibit. By interspersing his work among the existing paintings. models, etc, he forces you to look closely at ALL the art. Clever bugger.

If you're in Bristol before 31st August, I recommend it. It's free. You just need to be prepared for a 2 1/2 hour wait if you're unlucky hahaha oh dear.

REV. AUSTIN IS NOT A FOUR LETTER WORD

What-ho, old beans!

New piece of art up on http://potato-art.blogspot.com/ that 'compliments' a short story entitled Grease Paint and Monkey Brains.

Also sent off a new piece called The Colouring Book of the Dead, which is pretty self-explanatory, really.

Currently reading Blood Music by Greg Bear, and it's sneaky as it manages to actually be two stories in one - the main plot follows a scientist as he injects himself with an experimental cell structure that ends up being intelligent and, well, it's mind-bending to say the least. And then, half-way through, the story, it becomes about the end of the world. Sort-of. I'll stick a review up soon. It's very, very intelligent.

Also, since the King of Pop has exploded, I've uploaded the KNIVES OF DEATH "tribute" song 'KNIVES OF DEATH INVENTED GLOBAL WARMING' to our MYSPACE. RIP you goofy white bastard.

What else? There is nothing else! Now the current series of Supernatural has finished my life is empty. And I'm never up early enough to watch Quincy repeats on ITV.

Goodchild - AWAY!

ART ALL OVER MY FACE

Hey there pop-pickers, I've finally followed up on my threat a week or so ago to link to some artwork, and here it is!

http://potato-art.blogspot.com/

I've put my latest work on there, including:
DINOSAUR LUNCHBOX
- and -
LONELY TROUSERS
- and -
MISTER PAWS

Soon, I'll stick up some poster designs, including:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v204/babies4feet/KODeyeballposter.jpg
- and -
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v204/babies4feet/DIYDEATHTRAPKoDcomebackgigposter.jpg

If you get asked for a password, put: skulls4hands

ENJOI!?